Reader of the Week: Ragin' Ray!

Top o' the evenin' to ye, Bloggership. We may be snowed in over here this side of the pond, but the cockles of our hearts are warm because today is a historic day. On a fateful night 64 years ago, the world changed forever when one Ragin' Ray was unleashed upon the world!

May we present a long winter's tale for a long-overdue honour...

The Many Masks of Ragin' Ray

Most of you probably know RR from his colourful commentary on this blog. And it's okay to admit that that's why you come here -- we know you love your Swiss Mister and Miss, but you wouldn't be human if you weren't entranced/repulsed/bemused/confused/amused by the wit and wildness of our most prolific commenter. Clearly, Ragin' Ray learned the secrets of social media before social media learned about him... So count your blessings, Bloggership! With bon mots like this, RR won't stay our little secret for long:

On Swiss relocation agents:
"Relocation Agents: Another group that should be collectively taken out back, SHOT and P---ed on. A bunch of self serving, myopic,pea brained idiots. Good on you two for telling them where to shove their initial recommendations."

On the Swiss in general:
"When I visited the Possum and Swiss Mister this Fall, I was overtaken at the Train Station by a breathless Switzian who informed me that one of the rolling suitcases in my caravan had an open zipper and was in danger of spilling it's cargo. Much appreciated, but this old Dude was acting like I had just broken into his chalet and stolen his Cuckoo clock.(well named). Thank you very much,,,now chill out you idiot. Hey, I think in normal western culture, this qualifies as a humorous anecdote!??"

On the police shooting a bear to prevent him from mauling a Swiss man:
"Why didn't they shoot the man.He was the idiot. (No freakin justice over there!)"

On how to write angry letters (to Swiss people, or otherwise):
"I would have had a stronger finish to the whole thing based on your past history of writing to to the Zellers "Turkeys" etc. when you were Seven. Such as "SO GIVE ME WHAT I WANT YOU INCONSIDERATE, BUREAUCRATIC ,UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS!! Stuff like that does get peoples attention. I would be quite glad to lend you my 4X6 INCH "BULLSHIT" Splatter stamp, or my equally assertive "FUCK YOU' stamp and other stronger and larger ones in the arsenal , when they send you their simpering, limp- wristed excuses why they can't give you what you're after.Let me know, I'll Fed-X them to you."

Of course, if you ruffle a few too many feathers, you sometimes have to fly the coop on short notice. Especially if your, um, female fans keep asking -- nay, begging -- for you to come back.
(Note that a quick escape was also required from Paris on his last journey: let's just say a rental car got trashed, a can of spray paint was employed, and EasyJet never knew what hit them.)

But no matter how well loved he is by his adoring fans, Ragin' Ray is ever the gentleman, loyal to his Girl Friday (even if he does manage to get her cuffed for excessive shopping in every city they go to!).

On his travels far and wide, Ragin' Ray is friend to both man and beast...
...and gumby statues...
...but woe be to the man who crosses him once the smile comes off and the machine guns (or devil horns) come out.
But then again, these were the qualities that got him the personal security gig with Colin Farrell. How else would RR have gotten to Hollywood and auditioned for the role of Johnny Cash in Walk the Line? (He had to let Joaquin have it in the end. RR had a scheduling conflict...something about a last-minute request from the very grateful Governor of Japan? If those Samurai swords could talk.)

All of London agrees:
Ragin' Ray, you are THE MAN!


Thanks for proving that all the best stories are true.

Happy birthday, Dad! You are Reader of the Week!Love, The Possum (aka Swiss Miss)