How To: Online Bank -- Swiss Style!

You will need:

- 1 special calculator apparatus (below, left)
- 1 Access Card -- looks like a regular banking card, but isn't! (below, right)
- 1 Swiss bank account, with Agreement Number and 4-digit PIN
- x monies, ill-gotten or otherwise
- a love of secrecy
- a computer w/ internet connection






Ready to begin???








Step 1: Go to your online banking welcome screen and type in your Agreement Number. I don't really know what this number is all about...it's not your bank account number; it's more of a number that shows you have a relationship with the bank (ie bank accounts).

*As always, click to embiggen the pictures.
Step 2: Take your calculator and magically transform it into a banking device! Insert your Access Card into the calculator as shown below at left. Then enter your PIN into the calculator and hit OK (green button). Now, key in the 6-digit "Input" number as shown on the computer screen into card-activated calculator and, once again, hit OK.
Step 3: Still with me? Once you complete Step 2, the calculator-cum-bank device display screen will show an 8-digit letter/number code. Enter it in the "Code" boxes provided, as shown below. We're in the home stretch now!

Step 4: Click "Login" and start laundering your money!!!


Note that the "Input" and "Code" numbers are different every time -- how does the little calculator know what to tell the computer? I am baffled!!!